The Method to my Madness

I generally turn projects around within two to ten calendar days, depending on what’s involved. Revisions usually take another two to three days. Again, depending. Here’s how my whole process looks from start to stop . . .
Phase 1: The institution

The show kicks off with you getting in touch. I get back to you, quite smartly, under most circumstances, and we talk. We talk about your brand, the project, and what you’re trying to achieve. Top level stuff. With the full scope of the work on the table, we talk price. And terms. Once we’re both as happy as a dog with two tails, the show goes on.

Phase 2: The pledge

We schedule a one-hour call where you bare your brand’s soul and tell me everything there is to know about it. Its history, what it does, how and why it does it, where it’s going, how it’s getting there. Everything. Warts and all. If eight years ago you got a speeding ticket on the way to the office, I need to know about it. You get the idea. Same with your target market. Who and where are they? What do you think their dreams and fears are? At the end of this stage, I should know your brand better than you know your own spouse. By the way, I was kidding about the speeding ticket. But not about the spouse.

Phase 3: The turn

Next, you leave me alone to work my magic. How long it takes depends entirely on what’s involved, and how often I’m interrupted. Some people start getting a little antsy during this stage. They feel the need to check in on how everything’s progressing. No need to get your tights in a knot though, the wheels will be in motion and the work will be done before you can say “Stop the press”. Remember, all good things take time.

Phase 4: The prestige

Finally, the big reveal. We schedule another call, where I present the finished product with all the smoke and fanfare of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. The crowd gasps in awe and wonder (normally).

Phase 5: The Refinement

Once the smoke has cleared and you’ve managed to regain your senses, you pour over the copy with your most trusted colleagues. Then you run it by your mum, your spouse, your therapist, and your golf caddy. They all hate it, which is a very good sign. Accordingly, you put together a list of changes you’d like to see. We discuss said changes and come to an agreement as to what really should and shouldn’t be messed with. I take anything from one to three days to refine the work and Robert’s your father’s brother, we’re done.

Words for inspired and inspiring brands that captivate, seduce, persuade and sell.

Great copywriting connects with fellow human beings.

It speaks to their heart.

Like a friendly smile, a solid handshake, a warm conversation, a captivating story.

Answers to Your Burning Questions

Where are you located?

I’m situated in Sydney, Australia. As an Aussie, I’m a native English speaker (although some may disagree) and I’m also very familiar with both American and English culture. I’m happy to take on jobs from anywhere around the world though. I am connected by the Internet. I have this ability.

How much would a copywriting job typically cost me?

Well, that depends. You see, copywriting jobs are a bit like building sandcastles. There are big, intricate sandcastles, and there are small, simple sandcastles. And quite predictably, big, intricate sandcastles cost more to build than small, simple sandcastles. But all things considered, you could say that a copywriting job might typically be anywhere from the cost of a steak dinner for two at Sloppy Joe’s Bar and Grill, to the cost of Sloppy Joe’s 1979 Ford F-250 Ranger pick-up truck. Suffice to say however, the price of the job is agreed upon to both our satisfaction before any heavy lifting starts.

Do you offer free trials for new clients?

Free trials? Free trials, you say? Listen now, let’s sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from those who don’t. Because if you can’t see value here today, you’re not up here shopping, you’re up here shop-lifting. So on your bike . . . no good standing here gathering dust! Left leg, right leg, we call it walking. But remember, “too late, too late” will be the cry, when the man with the goods has passed you by!

Do I need to pay for the work up front?

Absolutely not, that just wouldn’t be kosher. In the London underworld, proper etiquette dictates that a professional only gets his fee only once the job has been successfully completed. I work the same way. Not until after I deliver the goods will I ask to feel the fibre of your fabric.

How do you deliver your work when it's ready?

Personally, I prefer an inconspicuous rendezvous in the middle of a secluded, dimly-lit bridge. Preferably in the wee morning hours of a cold, misty night – somewhere in an Eastern Bloc country of my choosing. I identify myself from a distance by adjusting the raised lapel of my grey trench coat. We exchange brief cases – mine with the copy, handwritten on plain white paper. Yours filled with small, non-sequential Euro notes minted no later than 2007. After the exchange and a subtle nod of acknowledgement, we both continue on our way without turning back. Or, of course there’s email, in any format you prefer – as long as it’s not anything Apple.

How can I make my payment?

I accept payment by bank transfer in Australian dollars (AUD), by PayPal (which by the way, incurs a processing fee), and in some instances, Bitcoin. I provide a tax invoice for all payments. For those who keep asking, no, I don’t accept payment anymore in gold bullion, cowrie shells, and especially not bags of wheat. That didn’t work out too well last time, and I still have to park my car outside 🙁

How do I get started?

The first step is to just get in touch. Head on over to the Contact Me page and leave a message, or drop me an email (the address is in the footer). I’ll get back to you ASAP and we’ll set a meeting time to discuss your project. Once we’re underway we can communicate by phone, email, Zoom, WhatsApp, Signal, or by Morse code on the shortwave band.